I wish....

I wish my child had not died.
I wish I had him back.
I wish, you were not so afraid to mention my child's name. My child lived and he is important to me. It is important for me to hear that he is also important to you.
When I cry or get emotional when you mention my son's name, I want you to know I do not cry because you hurt me. The death of my child caused my tears. You talked about my child and that is why you gave me an opportunity to share my grief. Thank you for that!
I wish you will not let my child die another time by removing his pictures from your home or deleting his name from your calendar.
It is not contagious to be bereaved parents, so I wish you would not avoid me, because I need you more dan ever.
I need a diversion now and then and I would love to hear how you are doing; but I also want you to know how I am doing. I could be sad and I might start to cry, but I wish you to let me talk about my child. He is my favorite subject every day.

I know that you think of me a lot; I know that you feel sorry for the death of my child also. I wish that you would let me know those things by calling me, sending me a postcard or a letter or wrapping your arms around me. 

I wish you would not expect my grief to be over after 6 months or one year. These first months, this first year is  traumatical for me, but I wish you could understand that my grief will never be over. I will be sorry for the death of my child until the day I will die myself.
I work very hard to recover, but I wish you would understand that I will never recover completely. I will always miss my child and I will always mourn for his death.
I wish you would not expect me "not to think about  it" or "to be happy". It will take a very long time before something like that will be possible, so do not fool yourself.
You need not feel sorry for me, but I wish you would give me the chance to be unhappy. I have to go through my grief.
I wish you would understand that my life has been torn apart. I know it is difficult for you to be with me when I feel miserable. Please, be patient with me, like I am patient with you.
When I say "I am fine", I wish you would understand that I don't feel well and that I have to fight everyday to make it through another day.
I wish you would understand that my emotions that come from my grief are very normal. Depression, anger, hopelessnes and endless pain, you may expect it all. So forgive me please when I am withdrawn or irritated or moody.
Your advice to live "day by day" is excellent. Only at this moment even one day is too much for me. I wish you would understand that it is a great effort for me to live "by the hour".
Forgive me if I am impolite, it is absolutely not my intention. Sometimes everything is too much for me and I need to be alone for a while.  If I run away I wish you would help me to find a quiet place, so I can be by myself for a while.
I wish you would understand that grief changes people. When my child died, a big part of me died with him. I am not the same person that I was before my child died and I will never be that person anymore.
I wish you would understand me. Then you would be able to imagine what it feels like: my grief, my hurt, my silence, my tears, my emptiness and my pain.
But I hope every day of my life that you will never understand!

Translated from  http://home.wanadoo.nl/peter.voerman